Time is on my mind a lot just now. Today it’s mine and my husband’s 24th Wedding Anniversary! I’m also 50 in a few months’ time. Yet I feel the same as I did in my 20s.
Where did it all go? It’s a question that’s never far from my thoughts.
In two days, it’s also the 8th Anniversary of that day my brain went pop, and I suffered an aneurysm. Again – where did the time go?
As I reflect on these two significant dates in my life and the gift of being 50 that’s sitting on the horizon winking at me, I can’t escape something I really know for sure as the years have gone on.
What I know is that life is damn short, and we waste far too much time worrying about and being invested in shit that doesn’t matter!
Being lucky enough to have stood on the precipice of death what I honestly want to share is that most of it doesn’t matter. The things we get annoyed about; the fears that stop us from doing the things we want to do, saying the things we want to say; all of the stuff we get ourselves in debt for; the car we drive; the size of our house; the snubs, rejections, compliments… all said to us and given too much consideration from people we maybe shouldn’t take so seriously.
I really believe that when we stand at the end of our lives that so little actually matters. And here is the rub – the end of our lives could be today, next week, or in 42 years! We don’t know when it will arrive… it isn’t always when we’re grey, content and ready to greet it at the door.
I don’t even think whether we’re remembered or not matters – because the reality is most of us won’t be. Yeh, maybe for a couple of generations to the people who loved us, but then the people who remember us life's will end too and with them so will the memories of us and the stories we told. Anyway – it’s the ego that wants to be remembered and significant – it’s not us at our core.
What I think will matter is the big stuff – Did I show love? Did I act in a loving way? Was I loved? Did I make a difference? Was I kind to myself and others? Am I okay with how I showed up in the world?
Being lucky enough to have almost died that one time, means that I can answer the above questions and be okay with my responses. And do you know what’s even better than being able to answer them? I don’t feel I need to justify them or even share them with anyone else.
I’m good with being the only person whose approval I really need. Because it’s me I look at in the mirror at the end of the day, and at the end of my life. And no matter how hard we try – we can never really lie to ourselves.
So, my invitation with this Blog is to encourage you to be honest about what’s going on in your life and maybe even ask yourself some of your own end of life questions to work out if you feel you’re on the right path, taking the right actions, doing life in a way you feel satisfied with.
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